My room smells like vodka and shame
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
