thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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