Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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