I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
