the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
