I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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