i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
