Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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