so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why can't burritos get me drunk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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