Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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