How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
