What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
