i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
