the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My ass is underappreciated
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
