Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
