i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
