he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
