i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
