k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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