I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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