Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
