his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
