you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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