you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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