I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
