If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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