Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
