i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
