she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
