Define "chronic" masturbator.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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