Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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