You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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