Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
