you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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