I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
