nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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