The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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