Rock
Scissors
Fuck
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
