Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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