R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She bit a glass in half.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
