I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
