im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
