The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
