I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
