Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
