WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize