Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Semen is not good for contacts.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
