Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
