lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
