Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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