I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
