i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
