Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
