this beer tastes like vomit already
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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