just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
