Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
