Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
