How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I have post one night stand depression
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
