I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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