What did we do last night that was yellow?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
