Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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