I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
