I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
