and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
