well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
