I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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