Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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