How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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