if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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